Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
