so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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