if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
