it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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