I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
