peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
