your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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