If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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