so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
