At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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