He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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