I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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