does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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