im six kinds of drunk right now
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
