She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.