I think scott just propositioned me for sex
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito