i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in