I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid