i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
