wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
