i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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