No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
