so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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