and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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