It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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