I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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