Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
as a side note pls kill me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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