After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
