Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
