brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
