Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
