I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
