My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
