yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
