Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
