so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
