STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
