I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
