So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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