I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
