i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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