The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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