I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
