i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
