On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
