well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
