I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This gyro tastes like lonliness
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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