I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
