i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
