I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize