Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
