Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
