wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
