I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
