OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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