You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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