I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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