I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
