Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
soo... how was my night?
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