Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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