You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
