So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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