I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
