Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
