i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Never underestimate the power of titties
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
