Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
