Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
