I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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