There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize