Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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