dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
