Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
