god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Randomize
