If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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