my sisters under your porch take her home
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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