i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
